Are You Too Nice To Be Racist? Anti-Racism School Is In Session™️ Podcast Episode 2, with Ashani Mfuko

Are you too nice to be racist? In this episode, I’m breaking down the distinct difference between a racist mindset or behavior, vs. a racist identity, plus I’m explaining what white privilege actually is, and what it's not. Find out if you are too nice to be racist, in today's episode!

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Transcript

Speaker: 0:01

Anti racism school is in session It's in session Anti racism is not a diet It's a lifestyle commitment 365 days a year Live a life that's anti racist Ashini, teaching you, giving you that truth With love, straight, with no chaser Understand graceful and mindful Open your third eye and take off your blindfold You ain't gotta agree to understand But understand you gotta take a stand. Anti racism school is in session. What? It's in, it's in session. Anti racism school is in session. What? It's, it's in session. Ashany Mufuko

Speaker 2: 0:43

wants to educate people about racism. She created a family friendly monthly seminar called anti racism school is in session. And every month she'll be talking about different ways to

Speaker 3: 0:55

be anti racist. Welcome to anti racism school is in session, bringing you an uncommon perspective to common issues related to racism. I'm your host Ashinee Mfuko. And on this show, we talk about how to become anti racist, how to live an anti racist lifestyle and how to raise. anti racist kids. Why? Because we want to work together to create a more beautiful Safer and more equitable world for all people. So let's get into today's topic. Today, we're talking about, are you too nice to be racist? If you're anything like me, I'm sure you've heard this statement said in many conversations that you've had about race and racism when you're talking to white people. As a black person, and you bring up this topic, you bring up issues, maybe you are calling them out on something that they said, or trying to educate them about something that's been happening and why it's happening, and you get this response. I'm a good person. I can't be racist. I'm a good person. I mean, I'm kind to everyone. And that's what I teach my kids. Just be kind to everyone, right? Okay, well, unfortunately, I have some bad news. Being kind is not being anti racist. I don't know if you understand that. Being kind is not the same as being anti racist, okay? They're two completely different things. And if you have this mentality, this mindset, that I'm a good person so I can't be racist, that means you're missing a lot, and that means that you are more than likely causing a lot of harm to black people and other people of color as well. So let's let's work through this. I'm here to help you. You're here to learn. You're here to grow. I'm a truth speaker. You're a truth seeker. We're in this together. So let's break this down. So many of you may already know this, but I'm a mom of three young children. All three of my kids are in elementary school, and being a parent is very challenging. Already. Period. Like, by default, being a parent, being a mom, being a dad, it's very challenging. And when you think of teaching your children to be anti racist, raising anti racist kids, you might feel like, Oh my gosh, that's even more work. It's even more stress. It's even more things that I have to worry about and think about. But I want you to realize this, okay? I'm gonna make it real simple for you. I'm gonna break it down. I'm going to break it down so that it's a bit of a simpler concept for you. Okay. So think of your children. You love your children, right? You want them to excel. You want them to be happy to live a great life, right? So you teach them certain values and principles and behaviors. To help them to be successful in life and also to teach them how to interact with other people and to not cause harm to other people, right? So, one thing that you have to realize is that as kids They're learning. They're growing. They're going to make mistakes, right? They're going to try things out. They're going to test the boundaries. They're going to test you. They're going to experiment. They're going to explore. And they're going to make mistakes. And that's a part of growing up, right? Well, it's really a part of life, but definitely a part of growing up. So as you're training your children, as you're teaching them, You know the values that your family believes in and that you believe that they need to have in order to be Good citizens and to be healthy adults and to contribute to society in a positive way you're teaching them these values They make mistakes now when your child makes a mistake. Do you tell your child? You're a bad kid You are bad. You're a horrible kid. You're a horrible person. Do you talk to your kids like that? Do you tell them when they make a mistake when they do something wrong and let's be honest Sometimes they do something That is not a good behavior, right? And it wasn't a mistake. They intentionally, let's be honest, they intentionally did something that they knew was wrong, that they knew was going to be harmful, that they knew was not going to yield a positive response if they got caught. Right? But they did it anyway. Nevertheless, when you are talking to your children, when you are correcting their behavior, when you are training them and teaching them good values, Right? And how to live out those values. You're teaching them the foundational principles of being a good human being. Right? And they do something that is outside of that realm. Do you tell them that they are a bad kid? That they're a bad person? Or do you tell them that the behavior that they just engaged in was bad? Do you tell them that the behavior that they just engaged in was problematic? Well, you're not supposed to hit your sister. That's bad behavior. We don't do that here, right? We don't hit. We don't call each other names. These are things that are very basic and it's all about something that they did or said. It's a behavior problem. It's not an identity problem. Are you getting where I'm going with this? So we need to separate the two in order to help you to really So understand this concept of thinking I'm too nice to be racist. Racists are bad people. Racists are people who use the n word. Racists are people who are hateful. Not necessarily. Some of them are. Some of them do use racial slurs. But not everybody who's racist is at that extreme. Okay? So I want you to understand the difference between racist behavior and a racist mindset. Okay? Just like with your children. You don't say you're a bad kid. You're a bad person. You say that behavior that you just engaged in was not okay. That was a bad thing to say. That was bad behavior. Okay? You separate the two. You still love your child, right? Your child is still a wonderful little human being that is growing and learning in life just like the rest of us are. So if you can do that with your child, or your niece or nephew, or whomever, you should be able to understand that concept for yourself. Okay? So get out of this mindset of if someone says that I am racist, or I said something racist, or I did something racist, that means I'm a bad person. No one said that. And that's what happens. You shut down. As soon as you hear that, you shut down because you're like, Well, they're saying I'm a bad person. I'm a good person. I can't be racist. I'm too nice to be racist. I'm a good person. I cannot be racist. Well, some of your behavior, unfortunately, mate. In fact, be racist. Some of the things that you say may in fact be racist, right? But understanding the difference between behavior and identity, it's going to free you. Because then you can understand that, okay, I can still Be a good person, which we really need to get away from that whole binary of good versus bad, whatever, but if you need that, right, if you need to believe that to make yourself feel good, you can still be a good person and have a racist mindset and believe in racist ideologies and racist stereotypes. It's something that you have to be actively unlearning. It does not happen on its own. So that's why we tell you it's not about just saying I'm not racist. That doesn't help anyone. It doesn't do anything. You have to either be accepting of these racist beliefs and systems and ideologies and white supremacist ideologies, or you're actively working against them, which means you are anti racist. Just like being against bullying is anti bullying. Being against crime is anti crime. Being anti racist means that you stand up against racism. You speak out against it. You don't stay silent and stay quiet when you know that it's happening. You don't just accept your own internalized racism and say, well, I don't have anything to unlearn. I don't, I'm not racist. I'm a good person. So I'm really nice to everybody. I teach my kids to just be kind to everybody. And so we're good. You're not good. Cause you're not actively working to unlearn. These things that you have just received from being in our society. Breathing it in. We talked about this in the first episode. Through the media, through the education system, through your community, through your family. You have to unlearn those things or else they'll still be there. They don't just disappear. They'll just be there, right? So I want you to understand this concept. You think of a child, you're teaching your child how to have good behavior, how to have good values, right? They make mistakes. They make poor choices, they engage in behaviors that are not good. So you tell them, that behavior was not good. That behavior was bad. That behavior was unacceptable. That behavior was harmful. You don't tear down their identity and say, you're a bad kid, you're a bad person. It's the same thing when it comes to racism, specifically interpersonal racism, right? So when you're at your workplace, and someone calls you out on a racist statement, on a racist stereotype that you're perpetuating, On something that you would say to yourself, well, I'm a good person. I can't be racist. I'm nice to everybody. I'm, I'm a nice person. I cannot be racist. Listen, it's a behavior problem. Don't tie it to your identity. Okay. People can unlearn. Any sort of mindset. People can transform any sort of mindset. That's why I always tell you that anyone can change. If they have the desire to change, they can change. I see a lot of white folks who are on their own anti racist journey. They talk about their racist family members or their racist neighbors or whomever. And it's like you look down on them, like, Oh, how could they say that? How could they believe that? How could they do that? And it's like, wait a second. You used to believe that too. You're just now coming to this understanding of what racism really looks like and what it really is. It's not just the N word. It's not just racial slurs. It's not hate. It's not wearing a white cape or hood. It's so much more than that. You're just getting that now. But now you're looking down on other people who maybe are not as far along in their journey as you are. You have to understand everyone has the capacity to change. Everyone has the capacity to transform their mindset. And at the end of the day, when we're talking about interpersonal racism, it's a mindset. It's a belief system. And those things can be changed with education and exposure to new information, experiences, and people. Okay. So don't say to yourself, well, I'm too nice to be racist or I'm a good person. So I can't be racist. No, you can be nice. You can be good. You can be whatever you want to be and still have racist belief systems, racist ideologies, racist, racist stereotypes. Right. That you hold on to and don't even realize it. You got to work through that. Just like we teach our children the difference between. Good behavior, positive behavior, helpful behavior, versus harmful behavior, negative behavior, bad behavior. At no point do we attack their identity, who they are as a person. We separate the two. So we have to do the same thing when it comes to racism. Okay? So, the next time somebody calls you out, or calls you in, and says, Hey, uh, that was racist. You shouldn't say that. That's very harmful. That's a microaggression. Which, really, microaggressions are very much so macroaggressions. They're very hurtful. They're very harmful. There's nothing micro about a micro aggression, right? These things have consequences. If you, if you believe in negative racial stereotypes about Black people, you don't think that's going to show up in how you interact with us at your job? Who you promote, how you promote. If you're a teacher in a school, you don't think that's going to affect how you interact with your Black students? If you have this stereotype in your mind, or this belief system in your mind, that's a racist belief system, or a racist ideology, but you haven't done the work to unlearn that? And so now every time you go to work, your black students are being negatively impacted by that because you're looking at them differently. You're treating them differently than the white students. You see where I'm, where I'm going with this? It's a problem. So you have to understand, look at it as unlearning any other mindset that does not serve you. Unlearning any other mindset that is harmful to you and to others. If you think about having a poverty mindset, maybe you grew up in poverty. So you're one of those white people who say well, I don't have what white privilege because I grew up in poverty We didn't even have nothing. So what kind of privilege is that? It's the privilege of not having your race be something that works against you in every aspect of your life. That's the privilege, right? It's the absence of that problem of being the target of racism, right? You may think of it as the presence of Benefits that you feel like you can't see because you're like, well, I didn't have nothing growing up. We grew up in poverty Where's the privilege? It's not the presence per se that you can see, of benefits that you can see, because it feels very normal and natural to you, it just is what it is. It's the absence of having to deal with racism, with being the target of racism, with dealing with racial discrimination, okay? It's the absence of having to deal with that. That's the privilege. You don't have to deal with that. That's the privilege, okay? Didn't say that you don't have other Challenges, that you haven't faced other obstacles, that you had an easy life, that you haven't worked for what you have, that's not what it is. It's saying, whatever you're dealing with over here, you're not also dealing with this. You're not also dealing with racism on top of the other obstacles that you're facing in your life. Okay? So I need you to understand that and get that. I need you to get that. Unlearning a racist mindset or racist beliefs that you don't even realize that you had in the first place. is feasible and it's possible for you and it's possible for anyone. But if you put up a wall and you get defensive every time someone tells you, Well, that's racist. I'm a good person. And you get defensive, you're not going to grow. And you're going to continue to engage in harmful behaviors, right? That you could easily unlearn if you would just acknowledge them. And you're going to continue to be on the wrong side of history. You're going to be with those people who have not made the world better, which is why we're still talking about all of this stuff. People say, I'm so sick and tired of black people talking about racism. I'm so sick of tired of black people pulling the race car. Well, we're tired too. We're tired of dealing with it. We're tired of being the target of racism. We don't want to talk about it either. You're tired. I'm tired. So let's do the work so that we don't have to talk about it anymore. Because if it's not an issue, There's nothing to talk about. So, you know that I like to share my favorite and most wonderful resources with you to help you along on your anti racist journey. So I'm going to share two amazing books with you today that will help you to get a deeper understanding of how all of this works, how it shows up in you internally, and how it's happening around you when you may not even know it. Okay? So I'm going to share one book with you first that I am absolutely so excited to have received this book from one of my friends. One of these social media platforms that I'm not going to name, but it's one of my favorite platforms because I've connected with so many amazing professionals on this platform. This book is a must read. Here's the book. It's called I'm Tired of Racism. It's by Sharon Hurley Hall. An amazing writer, incredible writer, and this is a book that you need to get today. It's on Amazon. It's everywhere that you buy your books. Make sure you go pick it up. It's I'm Tired of Racism, True Stories of Existing While Black. Get into it, okay? And of course, another favorite, Black women are just, can I just say for a second, Black women, we are a gift. We are a gift to the world, okay? So this second book is also by another Black woman author. It's called I'm Not Yelling, A Black Woman's Guide to Navigating the Workplace by Elizabeth Leiba. She is an amazing influencer, podcaster, writer, professor, educator, amazing human. And this book is going to give you a lot of insight into how to navigate the workplace in the presence of racism and discrimination and racial prejudice and all of these things. So make sure you check out. Liz's book as well, on Amazon, everywhere you buy your books, you can get both of them. You have to educate yourself. Education leads to transformation, okay? And that's what you need to experience so that you can share that with others, so that you can teach your kids how to be anti racist. It's not a passive thing, it's an active thing. Becoming anti racist and living an anti racist lifestyle is intentional and it is active. You don't sit back and just say, well, I'm, yeah, I'm anti racist.

Speaker: 18:30

Mm hmm.

Speaker 3: 18:31

I'm nice to everybody. I teach my kids just be kind to everybody and that's it. That's not it. That's not it. Okay. That's literally just the bare minimum. And we have to do more than that to change the way that the world is experienced. By everyone. Okay. We want to make it better. We want to make it safer. We want to make it more beautiful and more equitable for all people. You and I have to do this work. We have to do the work. So check those books out. Take some time to do a little bit of research today based on what you learned and make sure you download the podcast, subscribe, share, do all the things. Okay. Let's spread this knowledge so that we can make the world a more beautiful place for all people. And I'll see you in the next episode.